CUM!: “EAT YOUR LOAD BITCH”
WORDS: SAMUEL WEAVER
In a new series on the rise of instructional pornography, Madness explores cum-eating-instruction and the community of men worshipping goddesses before, well, obliging and eating their own cum
‘Gooning’, ‘goon’, or ‘gooner’ will likelyFOR THE NEXT TEN MINUTES I FUCKING OWN YOUfeature in at least one of those Dictionary Word of the Year contests so lovingly dispatched and tentatively mentioned on ITV News every Christmas. There has been no shortage of media attention, varying from a sympathetic Channel 5 with Andrew Callaghan piece, or more recently a serious inquiry by Ben Zand’s Zandland - both of which were released to popular critical acclaim. ‘Gooning’ is essentially a fetishization of addiction to pornography, wherebyYOU NEVER STOP THINKING ABOUT THE THINGS I MAKE YOU DOindividuals enter a trance-like state as they spunk, mind the pun, hours of living and breathing on consuming images and videos, often in custom lairs, isolated from the other.
Carlsberg manufactures and sells a product, the ‘best beer in the world’, and the impact it has is put down to individual consumption and individual biology. Drug dealers and their suppliers abide by a dangerously sliding scale of bedroom chemistry to underground factory production, creating a substance which, whilst the potential impacts are widely known - are again left to the user to discover and experience. The PR successI CAN MAKE YOU DO ANYTHING, EVERYTHINGof ‘gooner’ culture to soften dealing with the potential facts behind millions of, largely, men who are experiencing chronic pornography addiction, is that a number of fetishes have sprung up, whereby the sex worker instructs the individual to commit actions which are actively detrimental to themselves. Is this anything new? Are we right to exceptionalise and review this as unique? Or is this part of a broader trend socially, whereby individuals have sacrificed so much choice to internet overlords, or is this just a fetish - have we just got to, you know, get with it man!
In this series, Madness explores instructional pornography,YOU’RE GOING TO GIVE IN, YOU’RE GOING TO EAT IT, AND YOU’RE GOING TO FUCKING LOVE IT SLAVEthe relationship between subject and producer, and what this reveals about masculinity within this sphere. We start with the world of CEI - or cum-eating-instruction.
Now - if Foster's cans came with the label ‘drink 8 of these and give your wife a black eye!’ there would be public outcry. If drug dealers winked at you, revealed a slight grin, and as you were about to leave the Vauxhall Astra murmured; ‘make sure you take this in the workplace mate’, before letting you sink into life-threatening cocaine addiction - you may begin to ask yourself, does this guy have ulteriorLOOK ME IN MY EYES AND EAT THAT PRE-CUMmotives besides selling me drugs? Now - it seems that the realm of pornography, and the more extreme corners of ‘goon’ culture have managed to garner a solid exceptionalism in this producer-subject relationship.
For those residing outside the Goonersphere, there has been a limited tolerance for public displays of femdom. Far-right YouTuber Charlie Veitch, who regularly garners millions of views within 24 hours of publishing vlogs, mainly of himself walking around Manchester city centre, introduced Gen Z through a now infamous clip garnering over 300k views, of a woman ashing a cigarette into the mouth of a beta male dressed in a pink fluffyI’M GOING TO COUNT YOU DOWN BUT I WANT YOU TO BE POSITIONED IN A VERY PARTICULAR WAYoutfit and collared to a lead. Outside an Aldi. On Market Street. In the middle of the day. It was met with thousands of comments of what can only be described as vitriolic hate speech, with many users invoking the fall of society and loss of traditional values. Now - it is important to remember that femdom - or female dominatrix - is nothing new; most famously the medieval tale of Phyllis and Aristotle was artistically reproduced consistently throughout the Gothic era, cautioning man of the seductive and diminutive power of female beauty.
According to the BACP, 53% of therapists in 2026 reported an increaseI WANT YOU TO HAVE YOUR LEGS AND YOUR BACK AGAINST A WALL, THAT WAY YOUR COCK IS GOING TO BE IN YOUR FACEin young men approaching them regarding problematic pornagraphic habits which impacted their daily life and relationships.
Is this anything different? Madness spoke with four sex therapists based in London and Los Angeles, who specialised in pornography addiction. Despite initial progress, the mention of CEI at the final stage of talks ahead of interviews was the bucket of water on the candle of investigative progress. Speculative, of course, hesitant to stigmatise, 100%, but the transformational impact of mention of this specific subsect of pornography felt a bit like the vile internet reaction to Charlie Veitch’s video on Market Street - too low brow? Too gross? Really? Seriously? Why would you wish to talk about that? As with alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, abuse survival, extreme codependency, Madness knows there is only one solution to those struggling - talking about it.
The concept behind CEI is rather simple - sexy goddess (Goddess Versona, Miss Alika White et al.), the epitome of inaccessible female beauty to the layman in his childhood bedroom, usually already operating within the realm of financial dominatrix, creates a video, encouraging the subject to a) masturbate, b) cum, c) eat their own cum. This is almost always accompanied with demeaning, objectifying, sissifying language, invoking the lack of the subject’s masculinity, the ‘goddesses’ inaccessibility, directly challenging the subject’s sexuality, before imploring reflection of the action itself. In mainstream heterosexual sexual activity and pornographic productions, the man often ejaculates into the mouth of the woman. The goddess acts to activelyYOU’RE GOING TO GIVE YOURSELF A FACIALsubvert the expected direction of the final moment of male pleasure - in the most extreme sense. The moment bends on itself, the man cumming becomes the woman consuming, the circle of the potentiality of interpersonal sexual relations is closed.
This is the same inversion as self-harm, as cutting oneself, as inflicting one’s pain on themself to save its invocation on others. This is the same inversion as bulimia, whereby one empties themself prior to the natural release of their consumption. This is the same inversion as suicideIT’S GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUN, whereby one kills themself before the other or time kills them.
It is self-ownership of the inevitable - a hazy grab on the steroid enhanced arms of reality, a jump before one is pushed. In an age of insecurity, is this not a pure and crystalised manifestation of control in a world where, as discussed, one surrenders more and more control to the ineffable every day.
The symbiotic rotation of the world is a hot topic right now. Influencers in Bali promote the ‘flow of life’, Pope Leo XIV is exceptionallyEAT IT UP FOR ME BITCHbig on agape, the loving spirit of Jesus that generally runs through and binds all, Penguin Publishing House sales of Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations have skyrocketed 733% since 2012. Is it this very postmodernism, which the ilk of Jordan B. Peterson claims to have run (spits out Strepsil) RIFE in every Western academic and educational institution, destroying the contract with reality so intensely that the bending of reality is not as such - that there is no such thing to bend. This is the catastrophic Dostoyevskyan realm that the addict lives in; when nothing has meaning, anything can be justified.
Choice - this is the key inquiry here. From the outside, CEI offers a claustrophobic, spiralling, nihilistic, self-esteem diminishing effect - it is hard to focus on anything but oneself and is easier to see how, if one has fallen into the grips of porn addiction, this may act to further the fire of debasement that blazes amidst the technological maelstrom of lingerie-wearing idols. It is the instructional element which differs this sphere from its alcoholic and chemical siblings - is the transaction more honest than the brewer or the pill presser, or are young people cyclically exploited as they dwell in a darker and darker, solitary spot.SEE, IT’S EASY TO COMMIT, WHEN YOU HAVE THE RIGHT MOTIVATION
*If you feel that you may need help - please see the HELP section. Madness will connect you with others.
**All explicit content within the above piece is credited to Goddess Versona’s publicly available CEI videos. Madness thanks her for her contribution.